Guten Tag. My name is Bastian Von Bismarck, you have likely heard the extraordinary tails of wonder that make up my career and various tribulations. In the fatherland I am revered as not only the greatest physical specimen since Gunter Schlierkamp but also as one half of the greatest tag team to ever represent the glorious nation! For the ignorant I will disclose my story but be forewarned, it is suggested that afterwards you take a 6 hour period of rest where you exempt yourself from drinking alcohol and operating heavy machinery.
My childhood was not unlike any other upper-class German boy; my father was a member of the aristocrat in Düsseldorf and was a renowned athlete due to his accolades for the Deutsch handball team. Absurd athletic ability is not exclusive to my father and I in our family as my grandfather, Otto, was the world’s most popular wrestler from the 1930s to the early 40s. My grandfather left for America with aspirations of being a symbol for all that is Deutsch in the prestigious Champions Wrestling League. Otto became a hero to the fans of the CWL but due to isolated events across Europe which German reports later described as exaggerated; my grandfather fell out of favor with the average illiterate wrestling fan.
The reprehensible treatment of my grandfather was disgraceful and has brought shame to the once proud and noble Deutsch people. My people courageously carry a burden of shame in response for the treatment and portrayal of my grandfather and this is why I have undertaken the assignment of returning pride to the fatherland. How will I return pride to his nation? By dominating professional wrestlings tag team division in America, specifically in the Pacific Northwest.
I began my revolutionary campaign at a beer hall in Munich, the Bürgerbräukeller, by honing my craft and learning from the son of the greatest wrestler in Deustch history, Erich Werner Seelenbinder. I quickly became acquainted with the “Panzerfaust” Hans Wilhelm, formed Blitzkrieg Funk, and dominated the local talent with ease. Within a month we were 11-0 and Tag Champions of the Deutsch Wrestling Bundesliga. When we discovered the CWL promotion had relocated to Europe, we jumped at the chance to devour Europe’s finest. We moved with a lightning quick pace through the best Poland, Belgium, Czech Republic, and France had to offer and strangled them into submission. After rolling through the French champions, “Francophones Pamplemousse,” we were cheated out of our titles by the “Royal Flush.” We were disgraced but it was beneficial as it revealed we had been led astray from our goal of wrestling in America.
Blitzkrieg Funk is considered the greatest tag team in Europe and it came as no surprise to us when William Beaven begged us to come to America to compete in his fWo. We are on American soil and ready to bring back the pride which your ancestors stripped from the fatherland over 60 years ago!