(Dictated by Mary-Lynn Mayweather)

HEY MARY! I got shit to say. Get on your iPhone or your laptop or your hoo-dad and start clickety clacking with your fingertips.

Are you ready? You are? You've already started transcribing? You're getting every word? Short hand? That's good to know. Can you teach me?

No not now. Later. Later.

AMERICA! Keith Scott Zimmerman is a douche.

And I don't mean that, oh, Keith Scott Zimmerman is such a prickly arsehole that I find him contemptuous and want him to be shot by a firing squad. Oh no, I'm saying the shape of his body resembles that of a household vagina cleaner. I'm saying the best useful purpose for Keith Scott Zimmerman would be that of a pussy scrubber.

What? You don't want me to be so vulgar? Well, welcome to my world, because I don't want Keith Scott Zimmerman as our World Champion. It pisses ME off. OUR WORLD CHAMPION! A self serving, maniacal, NAPOLEON OF A MAN, is our World Champ! It SICKENS me. He makes me want to put a revolver into my mouth and pull the trigger. Slightly off center so I blow a hole through my cheek and the pain takes over my thoughts. Because I don't want to die knowing KSZ is world champ, and yet I need to inflict pain on myself to forget he exists. And his nose, it's like a god damn airplane! No, go back. Lowercase the G in God. I don't believe in him. God isn't God's name. I mean, I'm an acrobatic flip floppy spot monkey GOD of a man, but people aren't going, 'HEY GOD?! WHAT'S UP?!' They call me Jack. They call me Fly. They call me Legend.

Cause for over a thousand days I reigned as FWO World Heavyweight Champion, and while times weren't always good, I did everything I could to improve this place while I had the chance. And you know, for most of that time, we had peace on earth. Civility. And respect... although there was that riot, and then the deaths... and the... y'know scratch whatever I was saying. My championship reign was filled with disaster upon unmitigated disaster.

Which is exactly why, I will do everything in my power, to fill YOUR reign at the top of this promotion, with sorrow, regret, anger, and most of all, disaster upon disaster.

Later tater.

-Me.
1300+ day plus World Champ. And I'll have it again. Cause Keith Scott Zimmerman is a blowhard. And I'm awesome.