June 7, 2009
fWo has been doing these reviews from some of their wrestlers, but after mine, they gave one to Ivy. After her, no one wanted to follow it. It's sorta like going into the porta-potty after the fat, greasy guy. Or my Uncle Stevie. No one followed Ivy, so I was asked to do this again and I agreed. Last time I did this, I think I made some new friends - Ninja boy, aka X-Cubed, loves me. I mean, he hangs out in the shadows, doesn't say much. Which is also like Uncle Stevie. Wonder if his mom complains as much about his bedsheets being stained? And Jade Argent has shown him to be a class guy, fair and decent to everyone he meets. Now, those new friends are part of the changes, but much more will be revealed on this show as Xan Scott takes things to the XS in his career.
As before - I LOVE DVR!
And so... we open with the CHAMPION!
who is depressed. And why is he depressed? Well, he doesn't feel like a champion. When I heard that he only felt shame, remorse, and hate, I began to feel like Krow is a guy who can't grow beyond the "dark, depressed cliche". I'm hoping that he'll take this opportunity to grow as a person, stretch his horizons, go for a jog in a park, play frisbee with a dog, have sex with a woman not originally named Kevin. Which, as I understood his diatribe, is how he views that hardcore title - the woMAN he just can't forget.
Oh, and Krow, you referred to Shadows in the first and third person in the same sentence. They have meds for issues like that. I'm just saying.
And we followed that with what I loved to see - Meltdown! Only one legend! And who do I have to get to the mountain to see just who is the better man - Jeff Garvin. Last week, without knowing, I said that I would have the best pick. For weeks, I've said that I want to face the best, the legends of that ring, so that I can become what my destiny calls for. Who did I get? Jeff Garvin. Now, we haven't spoke, but I have it from good sources that his excitement for drawing the MOST powerful man in the fWo is overwhelming, so much so that he'd be in tears if a man's man like Garvin actually cried. Everyone knows that Garvin's tears are actually the blood of his victims after he hit. Like Visine, He got the red out.
Impulse vs. Biggs
I ragged Impulse for opening the show for my last review. This time he opened with just a match sans the mic time, giving that to Krow and the excitement of Meltdown. It worked well. His opponent, Jason Biggs, the defacto 2006 Survivor winner, self-named Awesome Jason, and real name Jason Biggs, which IS awesome. Did you see what he did with that apple pie? Anyway, for Impulse, this is as bad of a draw as getting Lowell.com for your Meltdown partner. Now, Biggs has a lot to learn, and that's coming from another rookie. Starting with his entrances. Now, it was personally funny to watch 2 entrances, but I can't see the fWo giving him that much face time. Fortunately, the match was shorter than the entrances and Impulse took one he needed to take... cause he'd've never lived it down otherwise!
Now, normally I only give a review, but I wanted to share with you the antics that NO ONE got to see on camera. That's right - you get to read it here first! Biggs came back and was asking for a do-over because Impulse was a cheat. Impulse. Cheat! All that aside, he snapped. Really! And I don't mean in the "on camera" way. This dude is messed up and needs to see a doctor. They have meds for that too.
Back to DVR - Flyer shows up.
For a guy who was hidden when he had the belt, it's good to see the drive to support the fWo is back. And we learn why he was gone for so long. No, it wasn't those pesky Cyberslam injuries. It was the bottle. Which I can relate to. I need to watch the intake. It might cost me a Big Opportunity one of these days.
Brawn vs. KSZ
OK. I'm a KSZ mark, some would even say ripoff for doing these reviews. Which I guess would make that dweeb from AA a KSZ knock-off also. And Ivy. With all that said, he's still a great competitor, and his opponent tonight, Brawn... I'm pretty certain I hate. Let's see - he's been a pain for Garvin for weeks now, even though Jeff tried to take the Limp-Iron kid under his wing to teach a thing or two. But to be truthful, I'm thrilled that Brawn is moving on. It'll give the Tennesee Technician more time with the MOST powerful man in the fWo. The Keith Invitational is a nice idea, and establishes him as a fighting champion. The fact that Brawn showed up showed that he could be one, whether I like to admit it or not. He has guts, but 10 bucks says he'll end the day without the belt. Now, as I've admitted, I'm new to this wrestling gig, but KSZ did a no-sell that would've gotten most guys tagged stiffer than my dropkick. Not a pro move - no matter how good you are.
GV arrives and is told that he gets a World title shot. He didn't respond. Maybe he's drunk!
Menage Trois for the tag title - I have to say, the MegaJob move by Frenchie was brilliant. I've watched enough of his career to know that he'll do anything to snag a title, and anything to keep it. This was move #1. During the match, Alias showed that he's not afraid to break the rules to keep the belt. The match itself was... interesting, and an entertaining job of bending and outright breaking of the rules. From everyone.
It was commercial time, but I was so excited to watch the next segment that I fast forwarded post haste because...
XS ARRIVES! Yeah, I showed up and told Michelle Masters to shut up.
XS vs. Michelle - And then I backed it up in the ring. If you DVR'ed it, watch the match again and listen to the crowd chanting - XANDER SCOTT... XANDER SCOTT... though I have to say, people from Seattle can't pronounce Scott all that well. I have to give Michelle a bit of credit, she did a great job in the match, a true champion. For a girl. And during the match, Jeff Garvin showed up to do some scouting of his future partner. Did you see how excited he was?
Spike is a big dude, but he must've taken like... a hundred too many hits to the head to not know who the LoD is! And Callie, well, she just needs to stay off the mic with her roid rage outbursts. And it was great to have cHEESE shut her and his ignorance up. Now, I get it when someone's storied history is all covered in the WWE or whatever. If they come out west, then they need to prove themselves. But the LoD has proved themselves everywhere! If anything, it's Spike and Callie who are about to get a lesson.
Spike/Callie vs. LoD - The match itself was well-played, a given due to the entrants. But the ending... a draw? That sucked! And now we get Callie and Spike next week to show him how it's done... or something.
JADE ARGENT! He owned the camera, which is hard with newcomer Leigh in the room. She has a nice rack. Or maybe that's just a push up.
Jade vs. Max - Now, before I go into the match itself, let me state that I was thrilled that the danger girls were there. Max is about the ugliest cuss on the roster, which is saying something with guys like Killjoy hanging around. Maybe he outta dawn one of those masks? But ugliness aside, he's yet another guy who doesn't even bother to follow the company he's signed with - it's like Terrell Owens signing with the Bills and forgetting that they play in Buffalo. If it was just him, I'd probably leave that alone, but he's about the 3rd person to do this on this ONE SHOW! Don't want to learn about the fWo - fine, go to the Asylum and cut someone's penis off and feed it to your garbage disposal, or grill it with some mustard. But stay outta the fWo! With that said, the psychological work in the match was pretty solid. By Argent mostly, but Danger showed some promise with a slew of cute lines during the match. Not all of it was good, in fact, I'd've panned most if done during a segment, but it was passable while getting kicked in the face, or just before getting slapped down by Argent! And then tapping. I don't blame him for that though. I'd've done the same.
Ninja boy... needs some meds. It's simply not right what he did to locker number 10. I mean, if you're having some sort of psycho break, do it in your own house. And listening to Mr. Psychopath is not what I'd call a good idea. Then again, the locker probably preferred it.
AA vs. Germany - I loved how Roland's slip of the tongue confirmed what I'd said about Double A during my TV time. Then, I guess the Germans thought they'd keep it in that gutter. Surprising part is... he reminded me of my Uncle. The weird one. In the basement. The match itself, and the fans minds, were on full display. No wonder Michelle gets over with several Seattle fans.
Morey on the mic subbing in for poor Kristen - well, it was out of place. Badly. Someone in the fWo technical needs fired. Or Ivy needs to get back and do it right. Man, did I just say that?
Morey vs. One Eye - two things to point out. First, Ruben is a punk. Second, a better time to attack is after Morey is spent from fighting One Eye, that way you screw him outta the win and One Eye outta the match. And third, One Eye actually took the win as a win. That was...AWESOME!
MLM has nice eyes. Granted, she hides them behind those hideous glasses, which I think she uses so that she doesn't get hit quite so hard. Then she challenges SVJ, or at least says that she will.
SVJ vs. MLM - Surprisingly, he says yes. SVJ is the ulcer in the belly of a half-witted Nebraskan sow, the pig, not the woman, though I hear he smells twice as bad. But what he did to Mary-Lynn was ridiculous. Beat a girl who challenges and can take it - ok. But he tried to kill her like he did Deacon. Stupid.
I watched the commercial. And now I want a candy bar.
Roland from AA - this also seemed out of place. Someone's head should roll! Maybe they should hire my Uncle Stevie?
Krow vs. GV - Hey, it didn't happen, which gave Flyer the chance he was waiting for. This, of course, made me instantly question if Flyer'd pulled a cross move and taken Shadows out to get this shot. The Flyer/Krow match was solid, beyond solid. Finn and Armstrong were on top of their game and both guys left it all out there. Now, I'm no fan of Flyer. He lost the fire, and I don't have any problem telling that, but on THIS night, he brought it all.
What can I say to that? Flyer pulled off the World championship in a match he wasn't even supposed to be in. I've ribbed Flyer. A LOT! And he earned every bit of it as much the missing champion as Foley in that Fed in the greatest amusement park south of Cedar Point. Foley, though, at least doesn't hide the fact that he DOESN'T want to wrestle for it. Flyer still pretended. And just like before, he is more driven than Edge to be the World champ in his company. It drove Flyer to do some dastardly things last time to get it, but once he got it, it drove him to not fight through the pain to continue. From a fans perspective, he became a shell of what he was, as apologetic as anyone that knew he was wrong. Now, it drove him to grab it again, but will he bother to work to hold onto it? A part of me says he will, having learned his lesson. A chunk of me says he won't, falling into old habits. I suppose next time I take a dump, I'll know which one it is. I'll just have to look for corn.
And I'm willing to bet that ole Mr. Violence will wish he'd've killed Krow instead of just doing a wrestling move to him, no matter how painful that move is.